he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
