you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
