obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
