at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
