Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
