I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
