This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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