i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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