When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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