Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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