tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
