i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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