I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I could have mohawked her pubes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
