there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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