Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
