I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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