you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
