my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
