Kiss
Puke
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
