We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
