I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize