did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
