i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
