He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
