Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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