CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
this is an emotional support booty call
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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