xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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