tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
