We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
