I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
