Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
