Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We need to rekindle our bromance
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
