arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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