yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
