Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize