We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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