Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
