it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
