i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
