I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
