No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
