ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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