my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
