you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
