You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize