if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
