And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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