It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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