one two three fourrrrnication!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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