did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
