Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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