Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
