YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
