we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it glows. i had to have it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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