hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize