Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need water and some morals
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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