opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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