DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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