i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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