my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
