Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
Randomize
