whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
