I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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