my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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