she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
