so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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