Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
