I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
