I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
