I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
