If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need water and some morals
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
