you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
