There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
