Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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