Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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